Here is a sad story a female minister in the United States read from the newspaper:
There was a particular executive who had money problems and went to the bank to withdraw an overdraft when he had nothing in his account.
The bank manager granted the withdrawal based on the past reputation of the executive and his relationship with the bank.
After the executive withdrew millions of Dollars, he fled the state and lived in hotels for months until the money ran out.
When it was time to repay the loan but the executive was nowhere to be found, the bank sent the police after the executive.
They found him in his hotel room curled up in a ball crying out repeatedly, “It would kill me if they found out what I’ve done with the money!”
They tried to get his attention, but he kept repeating those words loudly until he passed away shortly after.
After the doctors examined him, they concluded that he died from ‘mental suicide.’
The executive could not handle the mental stress of realizing how he had squandered away millions of Dollars; the shock was too much for him, and his brain shut down.
He passed away.
There’s no such thing as an overnight success
We’ve heard stories of great men of America who arrived at success after repeatedly trying and failing in their attempts to succeed at whatever venture they embarked on.
One notable example is American President Abraham Lincoln who failed multiple times on his journey to becoming president.
Another example is the American Inventor Thomas Edison who was quoted as saying, “I have not failed 10,000 times—I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work.”
What is that secret sauce?
What is that special quality that these great people possessed that enabled them to get back up when life kept knocking them down?
It is Resilience.
What is resilience?
It is the repeated ability to recover after a challenge or bounce back after a disappointment.
Back to my introductory story
- The executive had extreme money troubles and his solution was to withdraw an overdraft, which he had no plan of repaying.
- He didn’t take responsibility for his mismanagement of money.
- He had his head in the clouds and was probably living like the prodigal son— a form of escapism— until the money ran out.
- When the money ran out, he came to his senses, but it was too late. He couldn’t handle the shame. He couldn’t face the music.
Why am I talking about an adult executive?
Because this executive was once a child.
He was raised by parents.
And whether you like to hear the truth or not, his parents or guardians instilled in him the character traits that he ended up exhibiting as an adult.
As parents, we tend to want to protect our children from harm.
When they are hurt, we want to bear their pain.
We pacify and pet them even when they are well past that acceptable age of babies.
We don’t like them to make mistakes.
Forgetting that we all learn better from mistakes.
We try to shield them from the evil in the world.
Not realizing that one day we will be long gone, leaving them to navigate the murky waters of life by themselves.
We always want to make decisions for them.
Instead of giving them the opportunity to think for themselves, brainstorm, and come up with possible solutions to their problems with our supervision.
Nobody prays for evil, but…
What if evil comes when we do not plan for it?
Take a look at the Hebrews that were taken to Babylon in Daniel’s day (Daniel 1:3–4).
Then the king instructed Ashpenaz, the master of his eunuchs, to bring some of the children of Israel and some of the king’s descendants and some of the nobles, young men in whom there was no blemish, but good-looking, gifted in all wisdom, possessing knowledge and quick to understand, who had ability to serve in the king’s palace, and whom they might teach the language and literature of the Chaldeans.
— Daniel 1:3-4
The Bible doesn’t record this, but it’s possible that Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah lost their parents, or were separated from their parents when they were taken to Babylon as slaves.
It was the godly upbringing they received from a young age that they adhered to, which caused them to excel compared to their peers and triumph over their enemies.
There were other Hebrew boys, but the Bible does not mention them at all, so we don’t know how dedicated they were to keeping God’s Word.
Daniel and his three friends were exceptionally resilient and overcame challenges that would make us adults today to quake in fear just by thinking about them.
Take a look at this:
But Daniel purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself with the portion of the king’s delicacies, nor with the wine which he drank; therefore he requested of the chief of the eunuchs that he might not defile himself.
— Daniel 1:8
Daniel loved God so much that he did not want to defile himself.
Who taught Daniel to love God like that?
His godly parents.
How godly parents can teach our children to be resilient
Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.
— Proverbs 22:6
1. Teach by example
“Therefore you shall lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul, and bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.”
— Deuteronomy 11:18-19
Children like to emulate what they see their loved ones practice, so don’t be like the Pharisees who say you should do but do not do.
Then Jesus spoke to the multitudes and to His disciples, saying: “The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. Therefore whatever they tell you to observe, that observe and do, but do not do according to their works; for they say, and do not do.”
— Matthew 23:1-3
Show your child how to properly handle difficult problems by allowing them see how you handle them.
2. Share your thought process with them
For this to be effective, you need to be working on improving your own thinking patterns.
You have to be in the process of renewing your mind.
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
— Romans 12:2
It’s shocking to some people that God expects them to actively renew their minds in line with God’s Word, instead of living a passive Christianity, and thinking on every thought that flashes into their minds.
Your child’s mindset determines how well they will be resilient in difficult times.
Disappointments will come but we should always remember that the way God sees problems and handles them is far superior to the way we do.
“I don’t think the way you think. The way you work isn’t the way I work.” God’s Decree.
“For as the sky soars high above earth, so the way I work surpasses the way you work, and the way I think is beyond the way you think.”
— Isaiah 55:8-9 (MSG)
When we spend time meditating on relevant Scriptures that address our problems, God gives us insights into how to solve those problems we face.
3. Brainstorm with your child and let them come up with solutions
A wise man is strong, yes, a man of knowledge increases strength; For by wise counsel you will wage your own war, and in a multitude of counselors there is safety.
— Proverbs 24:5-6
When your child has a challenge or faces a disappointment, instead of quickly supplying the solution, allow your child to think of creative ways to solve those problems.
It would surprise you what solutions they would produce.
To help them, you could ask them questions to help them think things through.
They might not be completely successful at first, but at least they would have come up with part of the answer.
Then Jesus lifted up His eyes, and seeing a great multitude coming toward Him, He said to Philip, “Where shall we buy bread, that these may eat?” But this He said to test him, for He Himself knew what He would do.
Philip answered Him, “Two hundred denarii worth of bread is not sufficient for them, that every one of them may have a little.”
One of His disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, said to Him, “There is a lad here who has five barley loaves and two small fish, but what are they among so many?”
— John 6:5-9
Encourage them to think things through until understanding dawns in their hearts and they are strengthened to overcome the challenge and grow from it.
Don’t mock them for their answers. A child only answers from the body of knowledge they have.
4. Teach them to take responsibility for what they can control
Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls.
— Proverbs 25:28
Your child can control their thoughts, feelings, and actions.
As long as your child is saved, they have a choice over what they think, feel, and do.
Your child can’t control what people do to them, or what happens to them.
But your child can control their response to what happens to them.
There are so many Scriptures that instruct us on how to act in the face of anger or when we are treated wrongly.
You can search online for, “Scriptures on what to do when things don’t go your way,” and get your child to memorize them.
5. Repeat the process until the habit is locked in
Repetition locks in the habit.
Practice makes permanent.
Follow these steps over and over until your child has the habit formed, and can be resilient without your help.
Not all children have the same level of endurance, so you might have to spend more time on one child than on the other.
Be patient when they miss it. Don’t forget how they learned to walk.
Remember, if you want your child to grow into a resilient adult, you must be ready to grow with them.
I want to hear from you. In what ways have you trained your child to be resilient?
Please leave your answer in the comments.
Well written! In truth children are stronger than we know. They are very intuitive. They can sense you. Thank you for this.
For me, my two girls are still pretty young but have already started amazing me with their level of responsibility. What I have been doing is to cheer them when they do such things, like hold their wee till they get home, keep that snack till we enter the house, clean up, or even crawl to their potty on time or not.
I listen to them when they say no! Very important, I have regretted not doing so at times because I later find out why in a bitter way.
That’s me. Cheers!
Thank you Sir, for your comment! Psychologists say that children have 2 fears when they are born: The fear of falling, and the fear of loud noises. But when we restrict or constrain our children, we super-impose our fears on them, and the more we do that, they become less resilient, and increasingly unwilling to take responsibility in the face of challenges.